The 5 Stages of Being Triggered

Do you know the 5 stages of being triggered?

Do you often find yourself getting stirred up with your partner? When you’re in it, it can feel like there is no way out. But understanding these 5 stages gives you a map—it helps you see where you are and shows you the path to change.

1️⃣ You don’t realise you’re triggered. Your reaction isn’t just about the present—it’s an echo of the past.

Ways to you may start to notice that something is hitting a nerve, is when there is an absence of feelings, or very strong feelings.

You feel off for the rest of the day, but can’t put your finger on why.

Your response is a stock response – and is said in a particular – often rigid – tone.

2️⃣ You recognise it—but only after the fact. You see that your reaction was bigger than the situation called for.

This is a good place to be in, although it can feel frustrating. Don’t give yourself a hard time for feeling triggered, again. Take it as an opportunity to find out more about what got you to react in that way. And how could it be different?

3️⃣ You notice it in the moment—but can’t stop it. You see it happening, but the emotions still take over.

You can take time to go over this in detail and see what it was exactly that got you triggered and how you respond. We can learn a lot from this as it shows us our internal reactions. When we can slow this down you can get really clear, moment by moment, what happens and how you react. With this information you can make changes.

4️⃣ You notice it—and choose a different response. You feel the trigger, but you don’t have to follow it.

This is where you have the power over how you respond.

As this famous quote by Viktor Frankl shows:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to chose a response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

5️⃣ You’re no longer triggered by that situation. What once set you off no longer has power over you.

Which stage do you find yourself in most often?