Why do we struggle so much with our emotions. Feeling them seems like we may open a pandoras box and we will get blown away by them, annihilated even.

It often feels too much for us to stay with and feel our emotions as it seems overwhelming.

Why is it so hard?

It feels hard because it was overwhelming once for us to feel them and that is why we pushed them away.

We are all hard wired to move away from unpleasantness and pain. Even a single cell organism when stimulated will move away from pain.

We also didn’t have people around at the time to help us digest them. And because the feelings were overwhelming and we couldn’t handle them on our own we had to find a way to cope with them

So all our ways of not dealing with our feelings, whether it is pushing them down, closing off our felt sense and emotions all together, becoming mind focussed and driven are coping mechanisms for dealing with the feelings we couldn’t handle.

Our coping mechanisms are really clever functions of our body to deal with overwhelming situations. It allows us to be able to move on and live, even if it limits us in certain ways. At least we are still alive.

Why do we need to embrace them?

As I said above, the strategies we use to close down parts of us was very helpful initially. Now however these strategies limit our life. You can compare holding down emotions with holding down balloons under water. How much energy does that cost to keep those balloons down? It is the same with holding down emotions, it takes a lot of our life energy. So if we can integrate these emotions we free up a lot of our energy.

The parts of us that hold these difficult emotions and try to keep them from surfacing, are  frozen in time. This means that they haven’t evolved with the rest of us in the same way. So when we get triggered in these held places we often react in ways that are less mature than we really are.

So integrating these stuck emotions means that we become more adult and are able to make decisions and live our life from a more adult place.

How to deal with these so called difficult emotions now?

My top tip is to apply lots of gentleness. Being gentle with yourself when the triggers come up. Being gentle when you react or act in ways that you don’t like. Being gentle when you say things that are hurtful. Being gentle with all the ways that you hide from, push away or ignore those difficult emotions.

Remember that you have these reactions for a very good reason – even though it may not make much sense these days. Being gentle and compassionate with yourself allows you to soften towards yourself. You won’t put so much pressure on and this helps you be more kind with yourself.

Remember all the patterns and habits were put in place for a very good reason and respecting this is the first big step towards resolving them.

When you can respect this you will respect yourself, which will allow the healing to start.

Further help

If you would like to embrace your difficulties with ease I offer a free 30 minute strategy call. This gives you a chance to tell me what you need and we can see if what I offer suits your needs. You can book your free call here.


To help relax and de-stress here is my free eBook From Stress to Strength for you.