Do you struggle in your love relationships? Maybe you go through the same repetitive patterns and it never works out. Do you know that the root cause could lie with your ancestors and not you?

Difficult events your grandparents or even great-grandparent or further back went through can still have an effect on your life now – and your ability to have a healthy relationship.

Does this sound strange? Science backs this up – the science of epigenetics. This is the study of biological mechanisms that switch genes on and off and it shows that emotions and traits can be passed down the generation.


An example is an experiment in which mice were exposed to cherry blossom smell and then received a small electrical shock. They started to associate the smell of cherry blossoms with fear. It turned out that not just the children of these mice, but also their grand children had a fear response to cherry blossom smell – even though they didn’t go through the experiment.

This doesn’t just happen for mice – but also for human beings.

Potential Trigger Events

There are many events that can happen in a family that can potentially affect future generations.

Here are some of them:

  • the early death of a child, parent or sibling in any generation
  • previous significant partners of either parent
  • miscarriages, abortions
  • adoption, abandonment
  • life changing financial loss or illness
  • suicide
  • war
  • being imprisoned or in an institution

Unprovoked Anger – Case study

A woman would get really angry whenever she was in a relationship with a man. Even though there was no reason for it. She didn’t understand why this happened and was feeling desperate. it turned out that her grandfather had had many affairs and her grandmother had put up with it – that was the done thing in those days. But she was seething with anger which she couldn’t express. So unbeknownst to the granddaughter, she was expressing her grandmother’s anger in her relationships with her boyfriends.

We can carry feelings that don’t really belong to us and it can be bewildering and overwhelming and have a big impact on our lives. We just don’t realise that those feelings aren’t ours but belong to an ancestor.

Out of Loyalty – Case study

What can also happen is that we ‘choose’ a certain way in life, without knowing that it reflects an ancestors life. A grandfather lost his wife when she was still quite young. The grandfather cannot get over this and doesn’t remarry. A grandson may ‘choose’ not to have a relationship with a woman out of loyalty to his grandfather. Again, this happens on a subconscious level, the grandson may stay unaware of the real reason for him not having a relationship.

What you can do

You can find out about the stories in your family and see if there are any connections to your own life.

Family constellations can show the hidden dynamics that keep us stuck and can also release those dynamics.  We don’t necessarily need to know what happened in our family history to benefit from this. There are ways we can leave the past where it belongs so we can enjoy healthy and happy relationships.

Intrigued and want to find out what may hold you back in your life? I offer a free 30 minute consultation to explore the difficulties you have in your relationships, and to see if Constellations is the way forward for you. You can book an appointment here.

I offer 1:2:1 sessions online. Click here to book an appointment.

Mice experiment